When a friend or loved one tells you they are suicidal, it can make you feel scared and helpless. You may worry about saying or doing the wrong thing, and it can be hard to know what to do for the best. Here are some important ways of helping someone who feels suicidal.
What makes people feel suicidal?
To understand how to help someone who feels suicidal, it can help to understand why they may be feeling that way. Risk factors for suicidal thoughts and feelings can include:
A previous suicide attempt
A family history of suicide
Experiencing difficult life events such as childhood trauma, a relationship breakup, or bereavement
Being isolated and not having a support network
Drug and alcohol use
Having a mental health condition
Having a physical health condition which causes disability or chronic pain
Money problems
Suicide as a ‘way out’
People who feel suicidal often see suicide as a ‘way out,’ a way to escape a terrible situation or to relieve the unbearable pain of their thoughts, feelings, or health condition.
The thoughts associated with suicide
Suicidal feelings are often accompanied by thoughts like:
‘I am a burden’
‘I am a failure’
‘People would be better off without me’
‘Things will never get better for me’
‘Who would care if I wasn’t here?’
‘There’s no way out (of this pain, situation)’
If a friend or loved one voices things like this, it can be a warning sign that they are considering suicide.
Helping someone who feels suicidal- Know the warning signs
As well as them voicing statements like those above, if someone is suicidal you might notice changes in their behaviour or personality, such as:
Becoming anxious and restless
Being angry, irritable, and agitated
They may be quiet and distant, or have frequent mood swings
They may take risks they wouldn’t normally take
You may notice them sleeping much more or a lot less
They may lack energy and stop doing the things they enjoy
People who are suicidal tend to withdraw from others
Other warning signs that are a strong indicator that someone intends to commit suicide include:
Talking about death or dying
Sending text messages or other communications that feel ‘final,’ as if they are saying goodbye
Giving belongings away as if to get their affairs in order
You may even notice that someone who is planning to end their life suddenly seems cheerful. This is usually due to the feeling of relief that they’ve made the decision they believe will end their pain.
If you’re worried about someone
If you’re worried about someone, and your gut tells you that something just isn’t right, my advice would be to act on it. Here are some important ways of helping someone who feels suicidal.
- Let them know that they aren’t alone and how much you care for them.
- Don’t judge them or tell them you know how they feel. Just listen, empathise, and say that you’d like to understand.
- Reassure them that pain doesn’t last forever. Focus on helping them get through the next hour or the next day.
- Ask them directly if they have a plan for ending their life and how long they have been feeling that way. This can feel scary, but talking about suicide doesn’t increase the likelihood of someone committing suicide. On the contrary, giving them space to talk about it, or even just being there for someone if they don’t wish to talk, can reduce the risk by relieving the pressure they feel.
- Ask if they are open to seeking professional help if they are not involved with mental health services already. This could be helping them contact their GP, a therapist, or contacting a mental health charity for advice and support.
Helping someone who feels suicidal-things to remember
You don’t need to try and solve their problems or give them advice. You also shouldn’t tell them to snap out of it or tell them there’s no reason for them to feel like they do as they have a ‘great life’. This is dismissive and is likely to make a person feel more unheard and alone than they already do.
What to do in an emergency
If someone is in immediate danger and intends to end their life, you need to act fast. Your first port of call should be calling 999 or taking the person directly to A&E.
If the person is already involved with mental health services, you can also contact the local Crisis Team who are on call 24-7. The person should already have their details, or you can get them from NHS 111 or do a quick Google search for the contact number.
Talking therapy for longer-term help and support
Talking therapies like counselling and psychotherapy can help a person unpick the deep-rooted pain that is often behind suicidal feelings. Giving someone who feels suicidal a safe space to talk about their feelings without fear of judgement is crucial. Taking some of the weight off their shoulders can also restore hope that has been lost.
Therapy can also help those who have been impacted by suicide, either through the loss of someone, or from the worry and stress that caring for someone who feels suicidal can cause.
If you or a loved one are struggling, please do get in touch at hello@lighthousepsychotherapy.co.uk
You are not alone.